I'm starting to think about escaping recently again. My job is cool and it's certainly one of the most rewarding jobs I've had because I get to help people achieve their goals in studying Japanese. I was thinking what exactly was so bothersome about this job and other jobs. Why can't I be satisfied with my job? And I think it has to do with feeling trapped.
I probably need a way of earning money without the feeling like I'm working for it. Something that will let me express myself but also give me a sense of freedom. During times of stress I always fantasize about being on the road and traveling to different places. Seeing different lands and meeting people. Meanwhile I can be creative and create things with my computer like t-shirt designs, write the story that I started on long time ago. And make my website about my experiences with depression.
Those are the things that I always have on my mind. But I can never finish or get myself to continue them. These are all things that I've started on but have never seen to the finishing line. Is it possible that I am still afraid of failure?
I thought it was something that I had conquered a while back...maybe I really need to think about it some more. Or maybe I just don't know what I want to do.
I still feel lost when I am at work. And I often feel like I don't want to be where I am when I'm working. I feel like it's such a waste of life. Hating any moment of it just seems so tragic to me.
Well anyways I have to be patient and save up some money again if I'm gonna even attempt to travel around or stop working to pursue my art thing. And with the salary I have now...it would probably take me until the end of the year to save up a good amount. Plus with the whole taxes thing. I now owe way more. And now I feel even more stuck where I am.
Think positive! I might be nearing that time of the month...could be the reason for my crankiness..
Peace out
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